dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
