If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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