put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
