Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
