i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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