Nicole vs. Life
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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