Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
