Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
