Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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