the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
