you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
