At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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