he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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