o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
