Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
