i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
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