absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
