That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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