so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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