I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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