and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
