I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
