Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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