I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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