I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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