I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
