So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
