I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
