ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
