Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
This is the high leading the old right now
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
