im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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