Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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