My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
