I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
