ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
