We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
