We're like a lot better than the average bears
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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