he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
