Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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