Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize