covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
