i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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