Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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