so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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