I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize