Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Randomize
