I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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