So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
