Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
