Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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