remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
