bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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