He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
