I think my vagina is haunted
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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