Sacagawea was the original milf.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Boobs speak an international language.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize