I think scott just propositioned me for sex
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Threesome in a minivan. New low
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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