She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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