I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
