she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We are two peas in an std pod
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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