I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
