I'm jealous of your bromance
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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