the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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