I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
