Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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