worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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