Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
