I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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