Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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