You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
