god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
