the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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