I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
