I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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