I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
