watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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