Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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