I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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