that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
