Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
