He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
