He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize