she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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