She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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