Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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