I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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