meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You're a waste of cheezeits
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
