Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
