No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
