I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
