Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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