How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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