I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
