I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
