Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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