tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
