BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just found a bag of teeth...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
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